Another Wednesday and the earworms are in full force with the #1lineWed theme of “LONELY.” Please bear with this snippet. When I realized that I didn’t have the word in Gravedigger’s WIP, I opened a short snippet that consisted of the first four paragraphs. Then I started free writing and the result is this snippet. It’s a first draft so don’t hold it against me. This is in Shy’s POV and is further in the book than I am in “straight drafting.” Still, it’ll fit nicely with what comes. 😉 I hope you enjoy.
“The only thing we have going for us is hot sex.”
He gave me a slow grin guaranteed to melt my panties—if I’d been wearing any.
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Yeah, because I hate you and everything you stand for.” My voice didn’t waver and rang with my conviction. Points to me. I wasn’t my body. I had a brain. And I had a heart. He didn’t love me and dammit, I deserved to be loved by the right man. Digger was the wrong man on so many levels I’d need an elevator to reach them all.
I stood my ground, defiant, waiting for his come back. He tilted his head, watching but didn’t speak. Might was well lay it all out. “You might be able to turn me on, using my hormones against me, but every time you touch me, I cringe. You represent every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. There is nothing between us. Nothing. You kidnapped me. You threatened me. You raped me.”
He jerked like I’d slapped him. “Take that back,” he growled.
“No.” I spat my denial at him.
“I asked you.” His voice vibrated with anger. “Repeatedly. You never fucking once said no to me, Shiane. Not one fucking time. I can get pussy any time I fucking want. Your’s isn’t cut from diamonds. I don’t rape women. I didn’t rape you.” His hands clenched at his sides as he took a step toward me.
Technically, he was correct. He’d asked me. Told me, in fact. Say no, he’d said. If you don’t want this, want us, tell me now and I’ll walk away. His words echoed in my head. I’d wanted to say no. I’d wanted him to leave. But I didn’t. I didn’t say no and I sure as hell didn’t want him to walk away. I’d wanted him so much my whole body ached for him.
I lifted my chin. “You’re right. I didn’t say no, so I guess technically, it wasn’t rape. I hate you, Shane Cole. I hate your damn motorcycle club. I hate your touch. I hate the way you make my body feel, hate that you make me want you when I want nothing to do with you. You’re a criminal. And a bastard. Hear me now. No more. I don’t want you to ever touch me again.”
The cockiness melted from his expression, to be replaced by…something, some emotion I didn’t recognize, not at first. Disappointment? No, something deeper, more…profound. Hurt. My heart thudded in my chest as he backed away. He withdrew without a word. I’d expected a fight, or more swagger. A fleeting look of sorrow flashed in his eyes and then he was gone, the door clicking to a quiet close behind him.
What the…? Stunned, I stood there wrapped in that stupid towel staring at the door. After all we’d been through, it wasn’t like him to just walk away without a fight. I finished drying off and jerked on underwear and clothes. I tiptoed to the door and listened. Nothing. The hallway was dead quiet. I tried the door knob. It turned easily in my hand. That was a first.
My heart was still thudding and I turned to lean against the door, suddenly overwhelmed. My knees gave out and I slid until my butt hit the floor, knees bent. What was wrong with me? I felt…devastated. And alone. Did Gravedigger feel this lonely? God, but it hurt. And then there was…nothing. Nothing but blank emptiness. I swiped at tears I was only just then realizing I shed. This is what I wanted, right? To be done with him. To be free.
But who knew freedom would hurt so much.
Who else is feeling lonely today? Got any words to share?