First, this is my new motto! Second, I’m scrabbling like crazy trying to get COWGIRL’S SWEETHEART up to snuff and those all-important first chapters back to Mr. HEd. Why? Because that mid-July deadline is looming and we need to get the beginning nailed down before I write the rest of the story.
But here’s the rub. I’ve been subpoenaed for jury duty starting Monday. Yeah. Really. And ya know? I really don’t mind doing my civic duty if they’d actually…you know…LET me do my civic duty? This is the second time in the past couple of years I’ve been tagged. I went like 40 years without ever getting subpoenaed.
Here’s what my interminable days at the courthouse will be like next week:
Arrive in parking garage about 7:45. Spend 10 minutes getting through the metal detectors/security checkpoint. Report to jury room no later than 8:00 a.m. Try to find a seat on the back wall where I have access to a wall plug.
Judge will show up about 8:30 to give us the 4-1-1. About 9:00, jury pools will be drawn and marched off to various courtrooms. They’ll be questioned, probed, rejected, or seated. Rejects return to the jury room to wile away the rest of the day.
Get dismissed sometime between 4:00 and 5:00 p.m. Fight “rush-hour” traffic home. Get up and do it all again the next day. All frickin’ week.
Now, here’s the rub. There’s not an attorney in this county who will sit me on a jury. Why? 1) I’m married to an attorney and know most of the judges and attorneys in the bar; 2) I have served as chief bailiff of a district court, deputy marshal and marshal of the state Court of Civil Appeals; 3) I have a background in law enforcement; 4) I’m a published author (heaven forbid I get on a jury and then write a frickin’ book about the trial!!! Really?!?)
But will the judge excuse me? Oh hell no! The administrative judge knows I won’t get seated but he’s a bit of a sadist where the county bar is concerned. See, the last time this happened, I sat there all week and finally got seated on a Thursday. For a murder trial. Where the defense was bad forensics. Yeah. What’s on my resume? Technical Crime Scene Investigator. *raises and waves hand* Uhm…forensics–gathering and analyzing. Yeah, good times. The DAs asked the judge to excuse me for cause. He refused. The defense attorneys asked me if I could recognize mishandled evidence when it bit me in the arse (or words to that effect). Well, d’uh! Oh yeah. Defense wanted me there. DAs had to “spend” a preemptory challenge (there are a limited number of these) to get rid of me.
The judge hearing the case was also the administrative judge. Would he excuse me from duty? Oh hell no. I had to sit there the rest of the day and come back on Friday. *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Ah, good times. NOT! I’m prepared this year. I have contest books to read. And I’m tempted to wear a tee that says: Careful Or I’ll Write You Into My Book (and then kill you off). Lawyer Guy’s office partner said he’d post bail for me if I did. 😉
So anyway…Y’all get a break next week. What little computer time I’ll have will be directed toward work instead of play. Dammit.
Who has plans for the weekend? And what are y’all doin’ next week that I’m gonna miss out on?