So…I was working yesterday. I had a phrase to work with: “What else do you want me to say?” And a theme: Lonely. In addition, a scene needed to evolve from something that occurred off page in BRIDE’S MOON. And as I sometimes do when I’m stuck, I started to doodle with words, and this is what came out:
“What else do you want me to say?” Hannah didn’t move from the window. She stood there, back straight, shoulders stiff, the Virginia countryside rolling away on the other side of the plate glass.
An emotion Mac didn’t recognize squeezed his heart. They’d been together for years now, been through so damn much. His wolf whined, also unsure. The wolf knew he was the one that wanted pups, knew the man hurt each time this happened. But his mate hurt too. He saw the fine lines around her eyes—put there by pain, not age. When was the last time Hannah had smiled? Truly smiled. Not her snarky fuck-you smile but the one that melted his heart. The one she turned on their son whenever Liam was looking hid the one when she thought no one saw. The one tinged with the soul-deep ache of a mother’s broken heart.
“Hannah…” His voice cracked, his own emotions overriding his usual reticence.
“Don’t. Just…don’t.” She turned away from him, hiding her tears, he knew. They’d played out this scenario too many times. Once was too many, but his wife…his mate…the other half of his heart kept trying. For him. Liam’s conception had come almost instantaneously. The pregnancy? Not without a few scares but Hannah carried to term and after a great deal of cussing, she’d brought their son into the world, healthy, whole, and letting everyone know he was here to stay.
Easy peasy, Hannah had told him on Liam’s first birthday. Let’s try again. Up until then, Mac had consciously curtailed their lovemaking during her most fertile periods—without her being aware of his actions. So they’d tried. Often. And their hearts had been broken. A little girl. Another boy. A second daughter. None of them viable to term. And with each loss, he felt her pulling further away away until there was a huge gulf between them.
He inhaled and the scents hit him. Stale cigarette smoke with a whiff of cheap whiskey. But they didn’t come from his mate. No. She smelled of wet ashes, dead roses, and almonds. Regret. The stench of loneliness wafted from him, from every pore in his body. Hannah had shut him out.
“Baby?” He stepped closer, reaching for her.
She jerked away and her words came out flat. “Go away, Mac.”
So he did. He turned and walked out, softly closing the door behind him, wondering if that door would ever open again.
So, that’s my lonely snippet. Things are about to go downhill even further for Hannah and Mac, because… Well, those of you who have read BRIDE’S MOON knows. This is a first and very rough draft. Will this scene make it in MOONSTRUCK: BETRAYAL? Maybe. Or not. Something close to it probably will because there are things behind that scene that need talking about.
What about you writers? Have any lonely words to share? And readers, got a tough question for y’all: What is your favorite song to listen to when you’re feeling lonely? Inquiring writer minds (mine!) want to know.