Thursday Thoughts: Universal State of Mind

Posted on April 21, 2022 by Silver James

So. Depression. PTSD. Brain fog. I normally don’t get too deep into deeply personal stuff–at least not in/on social media. That said, I feel like I owe my readers some sort of explanation. I’ve been fighting the depression for a year now. It ebbs and flows, as it does. And that’s okay. I can usually deal with it. But when the flow coincides with Tuesday’s date, it can get ugly. And it’s been pretty ugly lately. I’ve seen and done a lot of things in my life. And each event leaves a layer on my psyche. Hell, that’s the way it works for all of us, yeah? *nods* I’m not special. I don’t deserve extra care or attention. It is what it is. And it’s damned  inconvenient, which pisses me off, which makes me want to get better, which depresses me when I don’t, and….so the spiral begins. It suchs. But it is what it is and I usually deal. This year, the date snuck up on me and since I conldn’t pinpoint a cause (until like…Sunday! 🤦🏼‍♀️ ), the spiral was tighter and faster as things seemed to spin out of control. Figuring out the trigger to this semi-prolonged episode was a 💡 moment. I think I’ve managed to slow the downward spiral, if not actually stop it. Yesterday, I got ten pages revised. Today, I hope to get at least 20, if not finish the book. No pressure. Baby steps. And all that jazz. I know my head. Which is both good and bad. Anyway, that’s my story. Here’s a message from the Big U that helped me get my head on a little straighter on Tuesday. I hope it brings a little ray of sunshine to you.

Silver, what wouldn’t you give to live, love, and be happy, deliriously happy, forevermore?

Well, that’s just it, you needn’t give anything, Silver. Just decide to live, love, and be happy, deliriously happy, from this moment forward.

And I shall provide,
The Universe
©www.tut.com

Silver, there are no other rules when it comes to these things.

 

One more “story,” if you will. I was out Tuesday, driving, when I got a call from my oldest best friend (and former roommate from college and after). She knows me–sometimes even better than LG, which is saying something. She’d come across something dated April 29, 1982, and she thought about calling me on that date. Instead, she had the urge to call me on the 19th. Luckily, I was pulling into a parking lot shortly after our usual chit-chat ended. She said, “I have something I want to read to you.” And she did. It was a bit of prose. I’m pretty sure I have a copy of it stuffed in some forgotten file somewhere around here because I’d written it. By the time she was done, we were both crying shamelessly. Damn, but I’d needed that. The reminder that I CAN write from the heart as well as the tears. By the time we said goodbye, I knew I was gonna be okay. I knew the way up. And I’m headed there. And yeah, I just need to decide to live, love, and be happy. How about you?

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Wednesday Words: Hoops

Posted on April 20, 2022 by Silver James

Once again, I managed to tie two birds with one thread. Or something like that. This week’s #1lineWed THEME is **HOOP**. Last week’s #ThursdayThreads prompt was “How’d that work out for you?” I’m still trying to add new words to CROSSFIRE, and every bit of inspiration and/or word prompts help. Hopefully, things will lighten up around here (ie. my head space) now that I’ve diagnozed the problem. More about that tomorrow. Today is Wednesday and that means words!
****
“Have you told her?”

Kin opened one eye to stare at Dalton. Who looked like an eager puppy hoping for a treat as he crouched in front of him. He closed that eye in an act of dismissal. “Leave me alone, mate.”

“You need to tell her.”

Damn but he was a feckin’ insistent bastard. “What do you know about it?”

“Loch says you need to tell her, and I spent enough time around the Wolves of the 69th and their mates to know Meg will freak out if she finds out by accident.”

Surrendering, Kin curled to a sitting position, his ab muscles protesting just a little. He focused his attention on Dalton, his glare intense as he studied the other man. “You ever told a woman you have gills?” Dalton’s left hand automatically covered a spot under his ear as he tucked his head against his right shoulder to hide the gill on that side, The truth in Dalton’s posture was plain to read. Kin had figured correctly but pressed home on his point. “How’d that work out for you?”

Defensive now, Dalton curled his upper lip. “I didn’t actually tell her. We went snorkeling. A kid was drowning, caught in a rip tide. I went to the bottom to save him. She saw me.”

“And?”

“And nothing. I convinced her she hadn’t seen me actually breathing underwater.”

“You ever go out again?” Kin nodded, satisfied when Dalton didn’t answer. “I rest my case.”

“But Meg is your—”

“I know what she is, Dalton.” Kin scrubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, annoyed by the gritty feeling left from his lack of sleep. “I’m a Wolf not some trained lion in the circus so I’ll not be jumpin’ through hoops for anyone. When the time is right—”

Kin broke off as Dalton’s eyes widened and he sputtered, “Uh…hi , Meg.”

“Right time for what?” the topic of their conversation asked in a voice far to saccarin for Kin’s peace of mind.

Dalton stood in one fluid motion and flashed an uneasy grin. “And that’s my cue to exit stage left. Bye, Meg.” Dalton took off.

Under his breath, Kin muttered,“Bloody hell.”
****
Yeah, totally busted. Y’all can guess where this is going next. 😉 Writers, do you have words to share matching either prompt? Readers, what’s worked out for you lately and did you have to jump through any hoops to get there?

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27 Years Ago…

Posted on April 19, 2022 by Silver James

At 9:01 a.m. at the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, the unthinkable happened. “Ground Zero” is now a place of rememberance. Thos of us there that day will never forget…

This gateway, made of granite panels, depicts the time–9:01 a.m.–the moment time stopped in downgown Oklahoma City. ©2013 Clary Carey, used by permiossion,

OKC Murrah Bombing Memorial: chairs and reflection pool ©2013 Clary Carey, photo used with permission

Yeah, and that’s where my head has been…

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Friday Free-For-All Spring Pics Edition

Posted on April 15, 2022 by Silver James

Spring has spring–sort of. We had frost on the tulips Thursday morning. And while we haven’t had many April showers–sadly, as we REALLY need the rain–I do have some flowers to share and it’s not even May yet. 😉

Earlier this week, I walked out onto the driveway and suddely realized I had wisteria busting out all over. One day, there was bare vines. The next, there was all these lacy fronds filling the air with the gently sweet scent of wisteria. If I set the pictures up right, you can click on them to get a bigger version. Sadly, no honeysuckles yet, and no sign of my peony plant, but I admit I haven’t looked that hard for it.

 

True story. I follow the Smart Bitches blog and they have a deal called HaBo–Help a Bitch out. If there’s a romance novel that you can’t remember the title of and maybe you have only vague details, you can email them and they’ll throw the request out to the Bitchery. It’s very seldom they or their readers fail to come up with the right book. I was about to email them because during this marathon relisten to Suzanne Wright’s intertwined series and doing so reminded me of a book. There were plot points and when one of them didn’t pop up in one of the early books, I decided it was a book from a different series. The two things I really remembered was that the heroine was a sculptor and had a cool house and she got caught in a basement by the killer. I wasn’t sure the details were actually from the same book. I thought the basement scene was in  the book I’d been reading. It wasn’t. So after a couple more books, I got it my head that the book I semi-remembered belonged to a different series but I really wanted to read it. I was about to email SB when I finished one of the books and started the next. Guess what? Yup. It was the book book I’d been thinking about. In my defense, it had been 3 years and almost 1K books since I’d done this series.

Here. Have some more pics. I call these snowdrops, but not sure if that’s actually what they are. They pop up each year in various places but usually bloom late February/early March. I’ve found them in my yard, and in various flowerbeds. Not all of them bloom. It’s weird. But I’m sooo not a gardner! Mother Nature was so drunk this year this one didn’t bloom until this week. The second pic is a clump of wild violets. I love these little perennials. They make me smile. Some people consider them to be weeds. Not me. I love their leaves and the delicate little flowers.

Another true story. Remember I said the computer shut done spontaneously (or Boone stepped on the power strip) and after rebooting I could NOT find the revised edition of SEAL MOON? I spent literally DAYS searching in my files, in the cloud, and on the hard drive for it. Nada. That loss helped trigger this latest round of Stupid Head Space™. Well, for some reason–probably a Microsoft update–my computer shut down and rebooted. The Word icon was still on my task bar so I clicked on it. A blank document opened with a recovery window–that had like 10 documents listed. You will NOT freaking believe what one of them was…!!!! YES! The revised copy of SEAL MOON!!!!! Sometimes the tech gods toy with us and sometimes they take pity on us after they play. Yes! I have it saved On the hard drive and in my Dropbox account.

And my final random thing is a pic of Loki playing hide-n-seek with the flowers on the dining room table. Since I started the week with a pic of Pistol Pete, who is currently BACK in the garage and who pooped in my laundry basket on clean clothes I hadn’t put up yet (and yes, they ARE all rewashed, deoderized and put away, which will teach me to put away the launder ASAP), I thought I would share the cuteness that is Loki, Demon Cat of Mischief and Mayhem.

Today is Good Friday and the beginning of Passover. Sunday is Easter. Wishing you all the best this spring season. Have a great weekend.

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Thursday Thoughts: Universal Circumstances

Posted on April 14, 2022 by Silver James

Ah, the best laid plans and all that. Due to circumstances and on account of because, my brain is still rebelling. I’m hoping today’s message from the Big U will help. Because yeah…

It may seem a bit backwards for some, Silver, but the first step one might take towards rearranging the present circumstances of their life is to stop dwelling up on the present circumstances of their life.

But for you it’s probably a no-brainer.

You’re not like anyone else.
The Universe
©www.tut.com

Second, Silver, they might start visualizing the circumstances they want, as if they already existed. Right. Duh-h-h-h-h-h…

Duh IS right. Still working, still appreciating y’all’s patience. Still cursing the things inside me that don’t want to cooperate. It should be a no-brainer but sometimes it’s so much harder than it should be. Still, y’all rock my world and keep me working on making me better. Thanks for that.

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Wednesday Words: While Away Some Time

Posted on April 13, 2022 by Silver James

While I’m not getting much done, I  am trying to swim through the miasma and get back on some sort of social media schedule*. Hence, today’s post. The #1lineWed THEME for today is **WHILE**. That’s open to a lot of interpretation. But look! I found a snippet that has the word twice. Whohoo! Anyway, this is from CROSSFIRE and is pretty self-explanatory.

****
Dom stared at the control panel of the Russian helicopter NATO tagged as the Hip for short. The Mil Mi-17 chopper was roughly equivalent to the Blackhawk he normally flew. He glanced at his co-pilot. “Please tell me you read Russian.”

Bo laughed. “Sure, boss. Along with Arabic, Chinese, and Swahili.”

“Swahili? Seriously?”

“No.”

The two men grinned and started fiddling with the controls. “Think we can fly this turkey?” Dom asked.

“Yes and she’s not a turkey.”

“She’s not a hawk.”

“No.” While he’d answered with a negative, he was in semi agreement. “Maybe an owl.” Bo glanced out the window and caught sight of Uri. “I’m not about to call her a falcon.”

That got a snort from Dom. “Test flight?”

“Probably wise. I wish we had one of our mechanics to really check this bird out.”

“Agreed, Bo, but we don’t. We both did the look see. Everything looked right. And flying this baby into Ukraine hopefully doesn’t trigger anything.”

Bo rolled his eyes. “Except maybe getting a Stinger up our ass.”

“We’ll just have to avoid any Ukrainian forces. At least we’re on the west side of the country. The closest Russians are around Odessa.” He pushed open the side window and waved Duke over. “Bo and I are taking ’er up for a test flight. If all goes good, be ready to load and head out when we land.” He glanced at his watch and then the sky. “We want to come in at night for obvious reasons.”

“Agreed,” Duke said then looked over to Dalton. “You still have a fix on the girl’s location?”

“Yeah. I’ll have the coordinates when the get back, since the stud muffin there will be flying by the seat of his pants.”

An hour later, the team relaxed—ostensibly—while Dom and Bo skimmed at tree-top level over the heavily-wooded landscape of western Ukraine. No aircraft appeared to challenge them and they saw no troop movements on the ground. They had all the technology advantages, including night vision devices. From the briefings they’d gotten, the Russian invaders weren’t so equipped. Lucky for them.
****
While the rest of you writers and hunting for a snippet to share–hopefully–readers, here’s your question to answer: How do you like to while away your time?

*Today, I’ll either catch up on email or Facebook, and tomorrow will be whatever I didn’t catch up on today. This whole zombie existence is really startin’ to piss me off. I KNOW better than to let this happen! Still, easier typed than executed as any of you who suffer from depression are away. Insidious bitch that it is. Grrrr.

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Tuesday Titles: Pete the Cat

Posted on April 12, 2022 by Silver James

My brain wasn’t adding up a recipe with a book and a character so I thought I would share the story of Pistol Pete* today. Pete, or Mow-Mow, appeared a bit ago. I’d look up and see him creeping across the driveway to chomp on the dogfood the boys hadn’t finished from the night before. The crows like the leftovers. Anyway, he’d run away each time I tried to make contact. Eventually, I started putting out cat food. Then, one day, I heard this very demanding, “Mow! MOW! MowmowmowMOW!” (Hence the Mow-Mow nickename). I “mow-mowed” back. He came out of the bushes and sat and waited for me to put out the food. In ensuing days and weeks, we’re now good budies. He still yells at me. He also rubs against my legs, allows me to pet him–in fact, occasionally demands it–even while he’s eating. Most cats aren’t that cool about hands on their fur when eating. During a cold snap, I lured him into the garage and he made himself at home. He’s litterbox trained. He has a cropped ear so he’s been neutured as part of a local feral cat catch and release program, but I can’t believe he’s actually ever been truly feral because…pets and litterbox. He occasionally bunks in the backyard, alongside the serviee “runway” between drive and  yard. There’s old fencing and stuff, plus lots of dead leaves for bedding. Jake ignormes him. Boone does not. Pete and Loki have stared at each other from Florida room (Loki) and garage (Pete.) Loki’s a little freaked. Not sure how Pete feels but he does get hissy with one of the long-haired black ferals that normally hangs on the porch. Shy Cat does roam and his path has crossed with Pete, which led to hissy fights that break up when I open my office window and yell..

Pete should have a loving family. We’d take him–even LG likes the little critter–but Boone and Loki. Loki was a feral kitten basically “raised” by two big dogs. He’s not all that affectionate, though after two years, he doesn’t always flinch when I try to pet him. LG has better luck with him. Go figure. I like Pete. He’s a cool cat. And he doesn’t deserve to be out on the streets. Sadly, it’s kitten season so the shelters are full. Anyone want a really cool cat?

*There was a huge orange feral that used to come by and eat on the porch from time-to-time and I’d named him Cowboy. Oklahoma State colors are orange and black, their nickname is the Cowboys, and their mascot is Pistol Pete.

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Palm Monday

Posted on April 11, 2022 by Silver James

I’ve been a slug. And I’m really tired of the brain fog. I need to get over myself. It’s not like interrupted sleep patterns, the world going to hell in a hand basket, and my utter lack of ambition hasn’t happened before. I’ll deal. Sooner or later. In the menatime…

First, something interesting for the gardeners out there, especially those in deer country. This popped it in a DIY newsletter I get and I thought it was pretty cool. Checke it out if you’re interested. DEER-PROOF RAISED GARDEN.

There was softball and baseball. My OSU Cowgirls split 2-1 with Iowa State and for the moment are still ranked #7. #1 OU is still undefeated and still being the juggernaut sailing through both home port and “enemy waters.” And still run-ruling teams. I am both in awe of and slightly terrified by this year’s team. My Cardinals also started off with a 2-1 record over Pittsburgh. This afternoon will determine the series outcome.I wrote a little. They were good words but not nearly enough. We won’t talk about revising. See the part where I need to get over myself and get out of my own way.

Technology hates me. Just sayin’…

LG made a Wally world run for brown shoe polish. They didn’t have any. The supply chain thing is totally crazy. Anyway, he DID bring home cookies. Big soft ones. Including some called Cowboy Cookies that have coconut, cinnamon, and pecans. I’m all over those suckers! I mean it’s like eating a bite of coconut cream pie smooshed together with a bite of apple pie with pecans thrown in for texture. Swear to Dog they are my new favorite cookies. Did I mention big AND soft?

Yeaht, that’s pretty much my world at the moment. Still not thrilled with social media but it’s time to emerge from hibernation so I’ll try to be better this week. Today is my regular grocery run and thne Stormy Time after school. It’s baseball season for Baseball Boy and Only has a big project going at the office. Fun times. Anything good in your worlds?

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Friday Sinema: Somehow

Posted on April 8, 2022 by Silver James

I’m a huge Reba fan and she makes me both laugh and cry–sometimes at the the same time. This song was nominated for an Academy Award and she sang it live on the award’s broadcast–which I didn’t watch. I did read, though, that after this song, there was a moment of silence in support of Ukraine and then she shared places where people can help. I have no clue what the movie is about and the song is sad but damn if it doesn’t give me hope. Have a hopeful weekend!

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Wednesday Words: Whistler’s Mother

Posted on April 6, 2022 by Silver James

This snippet is a combination of prompts. The THEME for #1LineWed today is **WHSITLING**. The prompt for last week’s Thursday Threads flash fiction challenge was “How tough would that be?”  And sometimes, a plan just comes together and this scene fell into place for CROSSFIRE.
****
“What is it you want us to do?” Tank asked.

The man presumably in charge didn’t hesitate. “Blow up the bridge.”

Silence followed before Dalton asked, “How tough would that be?”

The big explosives expert checked the small amount of available C4 then studied the structure with a knowing eye. “We might be whistling in the dark but there’s a chance.”

Dalton glanced back at the group of Ukrainians he now secretly called the Irregulars. These men and women were part of a civilian defense force. They’d stayed behind to help refugees, like the ones huddled in the woods higher up the mountain, and to defend their beloved country. Most of them were young and he couldn’t help but think about Red Dawn, the movie about America getting invaded and a group of high school kids turning into guerrilla fighters up in the Rocky Mountains. He liked the original version with Patrick Swayze. He grinned. “Then lets get this done.”

Two hours. Kin heard them first—the muffled diesel engires and the squeaking treads of the tanks. Everyone hunkered down to finish waiting.

As the first tank in the column neared the end of the bridge, Tank pressed the little box in his massive hand. At first, nothing happened and then… It started with a rumble. The lead tank stopped. Heads popped out of turret and driver hatches. In slow motion, the bridge shuddered. Swayed. Crumbled. Tanks plummeted into the gorge.

The Ukrainians cheered and Dalton raised a triumphant fist, yelling, “Wolverines!”

Tank gave him the side-eye. “Seriously? You went there?”

Grinning broadly, Dalton punched the big man on his massive biceps. “Tell me you didn’t think the same thing.”

Both men were grinning now, fists raised and punching into the cold, mountain air, yelling in unison, “WOLVERINES!”
****
There you have it. A slight spoiler maybe but y’all know that my guys are always blowing up something because that’s what they do. Writers, any whistles you want to share? Readers? Can you whistle? I can’t actually. It’s frustrating but whatever.

[EDIT] FYI: This blog was set up last week so I’m basically still “off blog duty” and probably will be tomorrow too. That said, Friday’s Sinema is also “preset” and ready to go. Sometimes I get ahead of myself. 😉

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